he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
