after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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