you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
