If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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