Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
