My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
