You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You are a genius and a whore.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
