You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I see more hoeing in ur future
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