my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
