haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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