Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
