just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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