and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Congratulations! We have a period
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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