Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
