No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
