I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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