Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
