Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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