some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
