Can Purell be used as lube?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
