there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
