I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
