You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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