I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
