dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
