i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
