sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
