Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
