Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
