Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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