she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
