i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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