JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
