Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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