So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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