Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
