worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
