she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
