That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
