i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's shark week go big or go home
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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