Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
