Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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