You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
