those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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