Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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