proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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