Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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