I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
