do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
