So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
